Mind Wounds
by LilyGhost
Summary: Stephanie's need to interfere gave Ranger the chance to intervene and gain an eventual new Rangeguy in the process. A Ranger POV story.
1. Chapter 1

**Although it's short, a few things had me considering this as a potential story, but the song "I Don't Feel A Thing" by Soldier Hard got me writing it. The bumper sticker mentioned can be bought online. Everyone and everything familiar belongs to Janet.**

"This is what you were describing when you were talking about Julie's early years, isn't it? And that's why this guy is just sitting there taking all of that crap?" Steph asked me.

In the lot of the diner where Steph and I had just picked up lunch, my eyes flicked briefly to her before returning to the couple arguing in a car two over from where our Cayenne is parked. I amended that thought, only the woman is arguing. The driver is sitting behind the wheel with the engine off and the driver's window down so he could flick the ashes from his cigarette out of it.

"Yes," I answered.

Rachel and I didn't have a relationship beyond creating Julie, but even if we had, she would never have understood my silences, seeming disinterest in everything except my next deployment, and my not wanting to expose my child to an emotionally devoid or volatile father, depending what mood I was in when approached.

The more Rachel yelled at me and pushed me to be, and to do, more for Julie than I felt capable of at the time, the more I pulled back from my child, my own family, and my life. I'd accepted the fact that I couldn't feel anything anymore beyond what adrenaline produced or rage when things went to shit, so I just focused what was left of me on completing my missions when I was away ... and committed myself to doing my job well when I came home.

Then I met Stephanie. And like a switch had been flipped ... I started to feel everything again, including hope that I could look, feel, and behave, normally like I had before. That's the main reason why I couldn't walk away even when Morelli had been holding on with a death grip the idea of marrying her. Without Stephanie beside me, the numbness returned and the all-encompassing hopelessness latched onto me and refused to let go.

"If someone screamed at me the way she's doing to him," Steph is saying to me now, "my head would explode long before I managed to get out all the names I would have to call him in order to calm even slightly down."

It took her weeks of us seeing each other for her to finally say with heartbreaking conviction that she loves me, but once she did ... I knew she could handle all aspects of me and would not run from them.

"But what did you do on the days you felt like you deserved the names Morelli, Vinnie, or your mother, called you?" I asked. "Or felt their callous treatment of you was completely justified?"

She sighed. "I closed my eyes and absorbed every syllable of what they screamed at me ... with no energy left to form clever comebacks. I kept right on believing that I was the worthless screw-up they accused me of being."

"But not anymore," I reminded her, reaching for her hand.

She squeezed mine in return. "No, not anymore because of _you_. And I'm going to pay that particular kindness forward by sticking my nose into their business. Thank you for not letting _us_ come to that," she said, gesturing again to the couple we've been watching, "by letting me see your 'other life', instead of immediately slamming the door between it and me."

She correctly interpreted the ' _I Survived The VA_ ' bumper sticker on the couple's car. I'm not arguing with Steph even now, because there's more at stake here than just two strangers on the verge of a breakup. And I do want to avoid a police call for numerous reasons, the least of which being a Morelli-sighting.

" _Hey!_ " Steph yelled, after we left the Porsche and she'd tapped on the passenger's window.

I was standing partially blocking her on the off chance more than just insults started flying.

The Camry door flew opened and an irate bottle-blond jumped out as if she'd just been ejected from the seat. I'm thinking it wouldn't be the first time someone pictured her being propelled into orbit.

" _What?_ " She demanded of Stephanie. "Can't you see we're in the middle of something here?"

"Looks like _you're_ the only one involved here," Steph pointed out.

"What the fuck else is new?" The blond said. " _I'm_ the _only_ one who does _anything_! Not that you're even listening to me, Efren, but don't bother denying it. I've carried your ass while you've just been sitting on yours."

" _Efren_ ," I said, getting his attention in my own way by using what Steph calls my 'Commander voice', "doesn't look interested in denying anything, _or_ engaging in a fight with you, for that matter, in the middle of a parking lot."

This man held my stare with a thousand-yard one of his own, but another drag on his cigarette was all the response she got. Not understanding how lucky she is for that being the _only_ reaction he had to her shrieking, when a blowup is just as likely as a dismissive shrug, she continued berating her boyfriend.

"He doesn't work ... choosing to drink, smoke, and ignore me, instead. He refuses to talk to me about _anything_! When he drops me off here, he won't even come inside to meet my friends before my shift starts just to show that he gives a fuck at all about me. I'm dating a fucking robot!" She glared his way before dealing the death blow. "Well, I'm not anymore. _Fuck you, Efren!_ You're officially on your own. I can't live like this."

Those are an interesting choice of words. Ones she would likely regret saying if Steph and I hadn't involved ourselves in their disagreement.

"Considering how you went all psycho on him," Steph told her, "I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to live like this _more_."

"You don't know what the fuck you're talking about."

"Unfortunately, I know _too much_ about this ... and if someone's not willing to defend themselves from any and all forms of personal attack, there's a reason that's far more serious than he doesn't want to hang out with your friends. Did you ever ask him what _he_ needs while demanding he fulfill yours?"

Stephanie has learned - and observed - a lot while working at Rangeman and around my men. And she's now able to recognize a Soldier-shaped ship about to go down, partly from really listening to me when I shared what I went through before meeting her, actively trying to be present yet continuing to feel detached from myself and my life. But she also gained major insight just from witnessing an almost identical one-sided fight between Cal and a woman he was seeing for only as long as it took her to say something to him similar to this blond's words, except she had referred to Cal as the 'Ice Man' instead of a robot.

My Babe said more than all of us combined could have when she'd stumbled into their fight which was still in-progress when Steph arrived to pick Cal up as her assigned partner that day. Stephanie had ended that fight with a parting finger-poke to Cal's soon-to-be-ex's shoulder and the words ... ' _Only those who deserve to know Cal, get to_.'

Steph had held Cal as he cried after he returned from an apprehension where a six-year-old boy had been stabbed by his own father right before Cal got there to arrest the asshole. Despite what we all had told him, Cal felt responsible for not getting there sooner and preventing the attack from occurring. When he couldn't hide his pain, or hide from Stephanie any longer, he gave in and sobbed in her arms as he recalled exactly how the boy, Rocco, had cried as he went through various levels of pain. Not only from the obvious physical discomfort he was experiencing, but also from the almost more painful feelings of betrayal due to his own father being the one to hurt him.

Cal doing what he could to comfort Rocco on-scene and at the hospital, and how he dry heaved against Steph's jean-clad legs after he returned to Rangeman, was anything but _robotic_. She's always been protective of me, and everyone of my men in each of my buildings, but that night ... something inside Stephanie had fundamentally changed.

She made sure Cal would be okay, going beyond that to ask Junior and Bobby to keep their four eyes on him, and then she pulled me aside to ask if there was a full-time position for her at Rangeman, stating me and my company needed her more than Vinnie could ever understand.

"I'm done talking to a brick wall," the blond, who definitely _isn't_ Stephanie, bit out ... bringing my mind and eyes back to the current situation. "If he wants to be alone so badly, I'll finally give him what he wants ... which clearly isn't _me_!"

While Steph was watching the woman storm into the restaurant, I cautiously approached the driver's side window.

I felt eyes tracking me via the rearview mirror as I rounded the bumper. Efren's face remained emotion and expression-less, and he still didn't say a word, neither caring nor surprised to find himself alone after the dust began to settle. I never thought I'd say it, even mentally, but I'm grateful for Stephanie's cheeseburger-craving. I was given a chance to save another one today because of it.

I pulled a business card out of my wallet and passed it to the man. Judging by his vacant eyes, _'I don't care about anyone or anything_ ' demeanor, and underlying ' _Don't fuck with me_ ' attitude, I'd guess he's been home for less than six months.

"If you need a job, excellent medical care, and plenty of people who understand you, call me," I told him. "The chance for a real life could depend on it."


	2. Chapter 2

**All familiar characters still belong to Janet. The mistakes are mine alone.**

 **Chapter 2**

"Did you think I'd forget about you?" I asked Efren St. James, nodding to Bodey - one of the officers who provides another set of eyes and ears for me at the TPD.

As instructed, he called me as soon as the name attached to the domestic disturbance was reported. A name I'd told him to be on the lookout for.

Efren knew I'd entered Bodey's office behind him, he just didn't care. "Everyone else has forgotten or given up on me, why would you be any different?"

"Because _I_ vowed to never leave a man behind. Your location doesn't change that oath."

"If you're willing to vouch for him," Bodey said to me, "he can go. The woman's story has changed three times just in the ten minutes it took you to get here. I've done this job long enough to trust my instincts, and my gut and the scene backs up what he said took place."

"You should hang out with a better class of people," I told Efren.

He shrugged as if he's already bored with the conversation. "What's the point?"

"The point is ... you were willing to give your life for your country, now you should let some of your countrymen help you get your life back. If you don't know what hell is awaiting you by doing nothing, I can fill you in. And I'm telling you right now, in some ways it's worse than war."

"And I should care ... _why?_ "

"You were man enough to sign up to save others, be an even stronger man right now and save yourself. We can start by you telling me why you're here," I said to him.

I already know the details, but in order to figure out the most effective way of reaching him, it's crucial to hear his side of the story in his own words to gauge what he was thinking and feeling during it, and what's going on in his mind now.

"I hit the fucking _wall_. I was _NOT_ aiming for her ... I had no intention of hurting her. And I _didn't_ threaten her despite the shit she's telling everybody."

"Go on," I ordered, as I sat down on the edge of the desk in front of him.

It took him one minute and twenty-two seconds to continue speaking, but I felt a small measure of hope once he did. It shows he still has some fight left in him.

"After work, Vera came to get what little shit she'd left at my place. She was bitching me out the entire time. She pissed me off, but I didn't touch her. I wasn't gonna fuck my life up even more by going off on her, so I was actually walking _away_. She grabbed my arm before I made it out of the room and wouldn't let go. First, she bitches that I don't react to anything, and when I finally do ... she calls the fucking cops on me."

"Walk me through it," I told him.

"The entire five minutes it took her to pack up what we had together, she was telling me that I'm useless, that I'm more robot than boyfriend, and she repeated what's become a favorite of hers ... that I should've been grateful that she had an interest in me since no one will have any again."

"None of that is true," I reminded him, but he went silent one more time.

I gave him only a second with his thoughts before I purposely interrupted them.

"What was your breaking point?" I asked, knowing we all have one.

"Her saying that I should've died over there because my life is basically over now since I can't even _pretend_ to be normal anymore. She has no fucking clue how hard I fought to live so I _could_ make it back home ... that I'm _still_ fighting to stay alive _every fucking day_."

"Unless they've been in a similar situation, no one can truly understand it."

"Yeah. Nobody has any fucking idea what it's like to hold your best friend while he bleeds out in your arms. How it rips your soul to shreds to be half-covering him, cradling his body while you're covered head to toe in blood from it, feeling him take his last breath as you're begging and screaming at him not to leave you. That shit fucks you up."

"It does. I'm unfortunately far too familiar with exactly how that feels ... and with more than one friend. It's a psychological and emotional trauma almost impossible to get your mind past, but you deserve to. You owe it to your buddy and yourself to have the life he couldn't."

"But _it should've been me!_ I was less than a foot away from him. _I_ should've taken that hit ... I _would've_ taken it for him. He was gonna marry his girl when we got back. They were already talkin' having two or three kids if they could. Ya know, do the whole fucking white picket fence-thing. I was just looking forward to having a good time if I made it home. Now neither is an option for either of us. "

"You can waste your life wanting to change how things in it played out, or you can get busy accepting that you're still here for a reason. And one of those reasons is to honor those who aren't."

"That explains Rangeman," Bodey said, becoming more than just background as he saw my security business and my men in a different light.

"My company and my mission are one and the same. Helping others as they pay it forward by helping others themselves. You can be part of that and start making Banks proud."

Efren stiffened at someone acknowledging his buddy by saying his name out loud. Just that small show of respect proved that Daniel Banks may be gone, but he's never going to be forgotten. Also by inviting Banks into our conversation, I was letting Efren know that the pain he's feeling due to Daniel's passing ... _does_ matter. It matters a whole fucking hell of a lot.

He dug his elbows into his knees and bent his head, completely covering his face with both of his hands. "I don't know how to get out of there," he admitted, after another long pause. "I trained for what felt like years some days just to be sent there, but I don't know shit about how to handle being home now. At least fighting to stay alive in a battle zone, or wondering when a good meal, a decent night's sleep, or a shower, would be a possibility again, gave my mind something to focus on ... deciding what food I want the most at that time and imagining how it'd feel to be completely clean again. _Here_ , I've got _nothing._ Well, nothing except too much shit swirling around in my head that I'd kill again to stop the 24/7 loop it's been playing on."

"Talking to someone about it helps. If you don't want it to be me, I have a team of trained professionals who've made a difference in the lives of many men who were once stuck exactly where you are now."

"It's been getting worse. I don't even have to wait for sleep anymore in order to relive the mortar attack that killed Danny. Two weeks ago, I was just gonna grab a beer out of my fridge. I remember walking to the kitchen and then ... _nothing_ until I heard Vera shouting at me to shut the fucking door and stop letting all the cold out. Apparently, I'd been standing there for twenty minutes with the door open, just blankly staring at the light dying a slow death inside it."

"I, and my people if you'd like, can get you through this. It won't be easy or painless, but I promise you that you won't be left alone or left behind. And with a little help from those who've stood in your boots, you _can_ relearn how to live. I'm giving you a chance here. You can start to feel better, but you have to give yourself permission to. Danny wouldn't want you to die just because he did."

"I can almost hear him saying he'd want me to live because he couldn't."

I held out my arm like a lifeline. His face was still covered, but he knew to curl his hand around mine and pull himself out of the chair and out of his despair. He's not alone any longer. He now has an entire organization acting as immediate reinforcements. The two of us walked out of the station, and out of the darkness we were both reliving, together.

I called Stephanie from the truck. "Go ahead and set another place for dinner," I said after her _'Yo'_.

That got me a derisive snort. "As if Ella would let me set something for dinner besides my butt in a chair. So you managed to persuade Efren to join Rangeman?"

"Was there any doubt?"

"Nope. Not a single one. Can I talk to him?"

"You can try, but he has to be on his best behavior when speaking to you," I said to her as I gave him a warning look.

"I would say don't get your underwear in a twist," she told me, "but I'm lucky enough to know that you don't wear any."

The grin she caused ... messed with my current _Don't Fuck With Me_ demeanor.

"Only you, Babe."

"Yep, _only_ me has the rights to your heart, your phone, and your pants. How about you _ask_ Efren if he'd like to talk, or just listen, to me for a sec without threatening him in the process?"

"You could be asking a lot."

"I could be," she answered, "but I know I'm not."

I agree. She doesn't ask for nearly enough ... never mind _too much_.

"Rangeman's resident greeter wants a word with you," I told the man sitting slouched down in the passenger's set.

" _I heard that!_ " Steph said loud and clear so both of us heard her.

The side of his mouth twitched once as if Efren were fighting a smile as two of his fingers made a 'gimme' gesture. I hesitated just long enough that he understood that talking to Stephanie is an honor I reluctantly bestow on others. That I did hand him my cell, drove home the point that I believe he's worth saving. Just someone believing in him could be what _does_ save him.

"Hello?" He said after a deep breath.

I'd switched to speaker before passing it over just so I'd know which one to admonish if their discussion got out of hand, but I'm not really concerned. I've seen Steph work her magic multiple times. And if she can coax a smile and sometimes even a full-on belly laugh, out of Tank, Hector, and Cal, she'll have no problems with a younger, slightly less hardened version of them.

"Hi, Efren ... this is Stephanie, Rangeman's _official_ resident greeter, speaking."

She introduced herself with enough impertinence, the amber eyes that appeared dead twenty minutes ago, now sparked with cautious amusement.

"Behave, Babe," I said without much conviction.

As has become the norm, she broke through Efren's indifference faster than he could throw up the us/them barriers we're all too familiar with.

" _No_ ," she declared. "Behaving is strictly reserved for children I've been tricked into babysitting. Efren, Ranger's bite is _way_ worse than his bark, but he doesn't hurt those he calls friends or employees, so try not to get too intimidated by his big bad wolf exterior. Though I'd suggest _never_ forgetting that he's far scarier than any cuddly wolf could be when he's in a mood."

" _Stephanie_..."

"Okay, now I'll have to hurry this up because this is usually the point Ranger will take his phone back and then give you the rundown on how I always mean well, but I'm not a typical woman so brace yourself ..."

"None of my family, friends, or employees, are typical anything," I told them both. "It keeps things interesting."

"Exactly," she replied. "Keep that in mind, Efren. If Ranger's willing to go to bat for you, you have to be a special kind of person. You may not believe you are right now, but we'll have you convinced of it in record time. You've been through hell, but you don't have to stay there. We'll help you like we continue to help each other. Welcome to the family."

He hadn't said anything yet besides 'Hello' to her, but there was a sense of awe in his tone when he did speak. Even though his comment was directed at me, I know his words would have her puffing up with pride on the other end of the line.

"You've got a good woman here," was his reply.

And it was his way of accepting the support we were all promising him.

"She's not just a 'good' woman," I explained. "Without even trying, Stephanie can lead a person back to himself and actually have you enjoy the journey."


	3. Chapter 3

**This scene wouldn't get out of my head until I wrote this chapter. Familiar characters are Janet's. The mistakes are mine.**

This was a concern of mine. Hell ... it's a concern of _every_ family member who cares about the man/woman who comes home from war, some a-hole creating what could lead to a deadly situation whether you're supposedly safe at home, just sipping a beer in a bar, or at the scene of an arrest like the one currently taking place.

I'm not surprised to hear his voice considering the location and the fact that Stephanie is involved, but the words said by Morelli's bowling buddy - also a cop but here in Hamilton Township, which is where her skip was hiding out - were intended to provoke.

"Already tired of Manoso hanging around you all the time? You need a change in men again?" He asked, edging closer to her in an intimidating way. "I knew he'd be history once you realized Joe moved on. FYI … he doesn't want you back so don't bother begging."

"Bite me, Baxter," Steph replied. "And back the fuck up before Ranger, who I _am_ very much in love with and am living with now, gets wind of this. _F ... Y ... I_ … the _only_ thing I'd beg for is more hours in the day to spend with him. If I have to hurt you to shut you up, he'll do way worse than that when he tracks you down."

"Manoso doesn't scare me."

"He should," was Efren's response. "What are you? A fucking idiot or something? Get your ass away from the lady or you'll be missing a body part for each second you waste."

Jerry Baxter put on a brave face and a cocky grin before moving onto a new target. "Manoso ain't here, now is he? And you're that asshole who put his hands on his girlfriend. I heard _all about_ you."

I was already scaling the six-foot fence that surrounds the house being rented to the girlfriend of Steph's FTA, but Steph is in full defense-mode ... not of herself, but of Efren and I. She has reason to fear what would happen if someone touches her and I know about it, or God help him ... if Efren witnesses it.

"He's better than I am, because Efren didn't touch his ex. _He. Was. Leaving_. _She_ grabbed _him_. He was the one in need of the cops that day, not her," she said, defending Efren's honor and reputation. "And you'd better watch who you're accusing of putting their hands where they don't belong. I can share some of my history, among other people's experiences, with your buddy that'll have you questioning which side of the law Joe's really on. Coincidentally, that's what I'm doing with you right now."

"Steph," I heard Efren say as he tried to, _ironically_ , put himself between her and _the actual police_ ... the people paid to protect citizens, not berate them.

It's unfortunate that for every hundred exemplary officers, you get one Morelli or Baxter. I mentally applauded Efren's actions ... all while knowing Steph is impossible to stop when she's in a mood or feeling strongly about someone, a case, or a cause. Efren has become her Merry Man of the Month ... the one - or ones - she deems are the most in need of extra attention, monitoring, or both.

I agreed that Efren needed to have an eye-and-a-half on him, despite him adapting seemingly well to having a new reason to get up every morning. Now I'm kicking my own ass for okaying him to go on what should've been a simple and quick capture.

A pissed off girlfriend who didn't want her drug-selling, but rent-paying boyfriend behind bars again, and a possible appearance by a big-mouthed buddy of Morelli's, had me hauling ass to get here once Vince reported that a call came over the police scanner basically stating that the FTA's girlfriend had called the HTPD on mine, stupidly not believing it when Steph informed her that her man is a wanted one.

"If your hand goes anywhere near your weapon, Baxter," I said, descending on the trio, "I'll be forced to make your death look like an accident ... or maybe I'll skip the pretense. No one will question me or my reason for pulling the trigger."

"Ranger ... it's okay," Steph assured me. "We were seconds from leaving."

"No. You were seconds away from a situation that the three of you wouldn't have recovered from," I informed her.

Her eyes suddenly dropping to the ground clued me in that she feels responsible for this ... that she may have added to Efren's pain just for being his partner today.

"This isn't about you, Babe. You did good. I'm extremely proud of you."

"Just when I think I'm finally free of Morelli, he rears his shaggy head again."

"He always did deserve better than you," Baxter unwisely said.

Efren took a step towards him, not appreciating the insult directed at the woman who has only been kind to him.

My look stopped him. "This is _my_ fight," I told him before flicking my eyes to Baxter. "There is _no one_ , alive or dead, better than Stephanie. She can't help the fact that it takes a _real_ man to fully appreciate the woman she is. The only thing Morelli deserves is a full organ-ectomy that I'll be happy to perform on you too if you don't get your ass back to the station. You can take Stephanie's FTA with you. If she doesn't receive proper credit and her money for apprehending him and getting him shackled and secured in her car, I _will_ come after you. Joe can cover your ass only up to a point, but he can't save it when it comes to me. As it is, I'll be having a talk with your Chief today."

His teeth clamped down together so hard, I was about to suggest he see a dentist on the way home, but that's when it sunk in that he won't be the bullying victor here after all. Everyone knows I don't threaten without a follow-through. He turned to leave before I could really get into provoking him like he tried to do with Stephanie.

My Babe knows better than to escalate a situation while with one of the men. I do trust her to diffuse an altercation like what this could've turned into, I just don't want her to ever have to. Knowing how she still suffers from nightmares about Scrog, Abruzzi, and what Con and Ramirez did to her, I don't want to add to her suffering as much as she was trying to avoid inflicting more pain on Efren or I.

"I'm ... "

" _DO NOT_ apologize for the actions of an asshole, Stephanie," I said, cutting her off. "You were doing your job, Baxter was making a mockery of his."

"Joe should have a better class of friends," she said, hugging me until her anger-trembles started to subside.

"He can't keep up the act for long around decent human beings. _You're_ proof of that, Babe. Morelli needs to be surrounded by people he feels superior to. You surpass him in every way ... and his ego still can't accept - or get over - it."

"Is this Joe-hole a problem?" Efren asked us.

"Not for me. I can handle him, but I'm not letting him, or anyone in his circle of jerks, harass you," she told him.

"Neither Efren, nor will anyone else, be harassed," I promised them. "I'll take care of this so it won't happen again."

Steph gave my midsection an extra squeeze as she glanced at the man watching us. "Ranger to the rescue again."

"I don't need to be rescued," he stated, giving us a look that would've preceded a fight had it been used on someone other than me.

Before I could open my mouth, Steph was speaking. "Of course you don't. You're trained to _do_ the rescuing, which is why I asked Ranger if you could be my partner today. I trust you to get the job done and keep me safe in the process. I may not think you need to be rescued, but I know you need someone standing up for you. Ranger does that automatically ... my defend-to-the-end reaction is usually activated more by choice."

"So Stephanie going for Joe's balls through his friend's is because she considers you a friend," I told him.

"Yep, I do. And some good did come from Baxter being a dick. We now have an hour to kill, since we won't have to hang around the station as my skip gets processed," Steph said. "I think some retribution is in order. I say we swing by the Rangeman building, snag whoever isn't on a shift or attached to a monitor, and we hit Marsilio's. Nothing gets under Morelli's skin faster than me being in or around the Burg with Ranger, looking happy and totally in love and lust, surrounded by the RangeMen I care about."

I caught Efren's eye. "You up for it?" I asked him.

"If no one minds. I'll spring for lunch if it'll help sway them."

"My idea, my treat. I'm not the only one who thinks you're a good/cool guy," Steph assured him, steering us both towards the gate leading out of the yard and away from the angry stare of the skip's girlfriend who only went back inside when Steph threatened her with cuffs. "The guys only whined a little when I requested you to be my backup for this capture."

He appeared not to see where the compliment was lurking in her statement.

"Stephanie's a popular person to be partnered with, so if my men didn't approach me, separately or collectively, with pages-long excuses on why she isn't safe with you ..."

"It means they've accepted you," she said, breaking in. "We all consider you one of us now."

She is right. Through respect, determination, and a lot of hard work ... Efren has made a place for himself as part of my team. Good times or bad, he's already thought of as a lifelong member of the Rangeman family.


	4. Chapter 4

**Everyone and everything familiar still belong to Janet. The mistakes are mine alone.**

"You know what the biggest change in my life has been?" Steph asked, as we waited outside Marsilio's for Efren and Tank to catch up to us.

I don't want to embarrass Efren by hovering, but I wasn't going to lose any of the progress we've made by letting him stew about the apprehension Morelli's mouthpiece interrupted. Steph left the scene with me, but I made sure Tank was available to follow Efren back to Rangeman and then escort him here after us.

I'm not worried about him running off half-cocked to track Baxter or Morelli down, but I know from experience how easy it is to twist a situation and blame a fuck-up on yourself and how irresistible it is to keep prying open the pride-wound. I don't want him beating himself up over what he couldn't have foreseen or controlled, so he wasn't left alone. Tonight will be harder to arrange.

"Your entire life has done a 180, Babe. Which thing are you singling out?"

"How even a clusterfuck-filled day can turn into a really good one."

"You waiting on us?" Tank asked, reaching the front of the restaurant.

"Yup. I want to make an entrance," Steph teased. "I was just telling Ranger that even a sucky day morphs into the best one because of you guys. I mean, I was just basically told by Baxter that I'm nothing ..."

" _Stephanie_..." I said, ready to clear that fucker's opinion from her mind.

"Relax, Batman. I don't believe that about myself anymore. That's what I was going to say ... I've gone from _'not worth the trouble_ ' to ' _the envy of every woman on the_ _planet_ ', especially if they got a look at all the cute dates that have accepted my invitation to lunch."

It always amuses me how she can make battle weary and worn men blush like eight-year-olds.

"Your table awaits, Babe, but _I'm_ the only date you'll ever need."

"Hmmm, I seem to remember hearing something similar to that before ... and it turned out to be _very true_."

"If we don't move them along," Tank said to Efren, "they'll keep this up all day. I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm fucking hungry."

"What else is new?" I replied, hooking an arm around Stephanie.

"Don't pick on him," I was told by the woman now tucked up against my side. "Everyone knows 'Tanks' take a lot of fuel."

Efren let out a rusty laugh, Tank grinned, and I relaxed a little more. Stephanie is onto something. No matter the shit we deal with over the course of a day, by the end of it she has managed to create a bright side to - or bright spot in - it.

I opened the door for her, and the two men and I followed her inside. Knowing the restaurant is already full of my people, had me not as concerned about who else is inside who may be tempted to approach her. If Morelli showed up to ruin her meal, he'll leave with a ruined face plus a broken body.

" _Steph!_ " Was shouted in excitement as the men who beat us here spotted us.

"I feel like Norm in that old 'Cheers' show my dad used to watch," she whispered to me.

"You _are_ a fixture in all of our lives."

"That was the goal."

I gave her a quick hard kiss and led her to her seat. I sat in my usual spot at my table with my back to the wall and my woman next to me. Efren took the seat beside her that was next to Binkie, while Tank overfilled the last vacant chair the four tables pushed together provided.

We placed our orders and Steph chose to spend the time it took for the food to be prepared to relax into me and curl both of her hands around the inside of my thigh under the table.

"Hey, I forgot to ask ... who's paying?" Santos called from the children's table.

"You are," I replied.

"Shit. I thought the rule was the one doing the inviting does the buying. Or does that just apply to dates?"

"If you're going to be a baby about it," Steph said, squeezing my leg to let me know she's in a playful mood, "since I suggested lunch, _I'll_ pay. So you can go ahead and order dessert now."

Santos grinned, knowing that hell will freeze three times over before I let Stephanie pay. Efren spoke up, being newer to the game ... and new to the games Steph and my men play.

"Since I fucked up my first time out, I should foot the bill," he told the tables.

"You handled the situation like you were supposed to," I assured him. "You weren't dealing with one of the city's finest, otherwise you wouldn't have had any issues. What happened wasn't your fault ... _then_ or _now_. Remember that."

"Yeah," Tank added, "anyone associated with Morelli are just waiting to be able to legally put a bullet in any one of us. They'll even expect a commendation for it. Half of our job some days is just to not let that happen."

"You kept your cool and kept Stephanie safe in an escalating situation," I said to Efren, "that's all that was required for me to call it a successful job. That you both got the skip is just a bonus."

"This Morelli jack-off sounds like a real prize."

"No, he's more like a root canal without any anesthesia," Steph told him.

The tables laughed even as I felt Steph's fingers tighten on me again, but not in a good way this time. I looked to the door fully expecting to see Joe, but caught the other Burg predator. _Barnhardt_.

"Great, if it's not one bane of my existence screwing with me," Steph said, "it's the _whore_ other."

"Who's the blowup doll?" Efren asked her.

"She's the skank who ended my marriage three lives ago. Despite me being glad it ended, I still refuse to thank her. Her outside is all bought, and what's slithering around inside you'll pay for. Not to sound like your mother, but I'm telling you what I've told every other Rangeguy, you _Are Not Allowed_ to go near her. You've suffered enough and you deserve to be happy and be with someone better than the only woman I know who's vagina has to file taxes every year for what it's earned."

"So I'm guessing you don't like her?" He replied, trying out a bit of teasing.

Steph nodded, entirely serious. "We're in danger of catching something just sitting this close to her."

"Don't worry, Babe," I told her. "Our force field is protected from skank-bies."

" _Skank-bies?_ " Efren asked.

"It's what's transferred from any contact with her. Picture a combo of scabies and rabies. Luckily, career skanks are the only known carriers."

"Good one, Steph," Bobby told her, sending her an air-fistbump from table two.

She sent a smile as a reply as Barnhardt pointed her silicone modifications in our direction.

"Well, well, well," Joyce began, "look what the cat horked up. Stephanie Plum."

"Go away, Barnbitch," Steph answered. "We all know lunch isn't what you're after here, but I'm not letting your face kill my appetite. Did you spit Vinnie out when Connie and Lula's whispers about me being here reached his office? You couldn't resist coming straight here, could you?"

" _Someone's_ scared that at least one of your coworkers, or your cohort," she said, with a skin-crawling glance at me, "will finally figure out what a real woman is and stop shadowing you. That's what they're _paid_ to do, isn't it? At least _I_ don't have to pay men."

" _Real_ woman? _Seriously?_ How did you say that with a straight face? Oh yeah, we can probably thank Botox for that one. I swear, three more surgeries and you'll qualify as one of those medical mannequins used for procedure training. And of course you don't pay anyone for their time, you seem happy enough with men renting you ... for a night or until their divorces from their wives are final. Though I've noticed 'your men' end up regretting every second of your time together. It's sad that they usually have to chew their legs off to escape you unless you've found their replacement already."

Efren attempted to hide his grin behind his hand, but he caught Joyce's eye nonetheless. "And whoooo are you? I haven't seen you around before."

"Back off, Joyce," Steph warned her. "He's not available."

Barnhardt ignored her. "You seeing someone? Not that it matters ..."

"I'm not seeing anyone, including you. What Steph was saying, is I just got my life straightened out, I'm not fucking it up again by tangling with another narcopath. I'm _waiting_ for _quality_ ," Efren said, cutting his eyes to Stephanie for a telling moment, which had my girl blushing at the compliment, "instead of _looking_ for _availability_."

Not one to take rejection well, Joyce chose to go out with a bang. "Waiting around for the boss' leftovers? That's pathetic, but not surprising. Ranger will get bored and dump her soon enough. I've heard her called _convenient_ , so she'll hang around until you can't take it anymore."

"Ranger and I are _never_ breaking up, Joyce," my woman said to the 'Barnbitch'. "And if you look at him again, I promise you I _will_ remove your eyes with your own crotch-scratching claws. Efren wasn't talking about _me_ specifically. He just knows that he deserves the best and he's not willing to settle for less ... or settle for an old whorebag who's already passed her best-by date decades ago."

"I'm going to laugh my ass off when Ranger kicks yours to the curb just like Morelli did."

" _I_ dumped _Joe_. Why does everyone keep forgetting that little detail?" Steph asked me.

"You should focus instead on the fact that you're so beautiful, incredible, and unforgettable, Babe, both Morelli and Barnhardt have been obsessed with you since birth it seems. I understand the feeling. You're addictive and I'm still riding the high."

"I _am_ one of a kind," she said with a smile.

"That you are," I replied, kissing the back of her hand.

"This place should sell barf bags," Joyce responded.

"Or just hand them out for free whenever they see you coming," Steph fired back.

My men laughed again which isn't the reaction Joyce had been anticipating from any man, never mind over a dozen of them. Her face turned as red as her dyed extensions.

"One of these days ... you're going to get exactly what you deserve," Barnhardt hissed.

I couldn't have asked for a better opening. "For once, Joyce is right," I told Stephanie.

"Excuse me?" She asked, genuinely confused why anyone would ever agree with the 'whorebag'.

"Told you so, Plum," Joyce bragged.

The homewrecker doesn't interest me, I had complete tunnel vision as I looked into Stephanie's blue eyes. "You _should_ get exactly what you deserve," I shared, not giving a shit about the men staring hard at us.

"And that would be _what_?" My Babe asked.

Since I was still holding her hands in mine as they rested on my leg, I simply slid onto her left ring finger ... the four-carat round diamond that is simple yet the highest quality, centered on a white gold band that appears so delicate, I felt I could crush it with two fingers alone. Steph's mouth fell open and her body went deadly still.

"What just happened?" Tank asked, his gut telling him something has changed.

Steph closed her mouth and let it form a slightly trembling smile as she nodded at me before lifting her hand for everyone to see.

"Apparently, I deserve one hell of an engagement ring," she explained.

"No," I corrected. "You deserve a legal commitment to backup my emotional and verbal ones."

" _Holy shit!_ " Lester shouted. " _We're getting married!_ "

"Correction, Santos," Tank told him, " _Ranger_ and _Stephanie_ are getting married."

"That's what I said."

Four tables shook their heads at him.

"I don't believe this," Barnhardt muttered.

"I don't either," Steph told her, "but I have a ring and my guy to convince me it happened everyday for the rest of our lives. What do you have, Joyce? Besides too much filler in your face, so many injection holes in your lips I'm surprised you can still drink without turning into a sprinkler, and a restraining order from wallet number thirty-two?"

"I don't have to listen to you. I'll take my business elsewhere."

"I apprehended the two working the corner of Mason and Stone yesterday," Steph informed her. "You could earn enough to pay for a meal here _after_ we leave if you hurry."

"There's never a dull moment with you, is there?" Efren asked, as we watched Joyce leave with nothing ... no food nor a verbal-victory to be seen.

Just as Baxter learned today, nobody fucks with Stephanie and leaves with their balls intact, not even Joyce who severs them for a living. I would've ended the confrontation before it could get started, but Steph's confidence grows exponentially every time she spars with a former foe … and that's all I've ever wanted for her. What I've always wanted for myself is _her_.

"Nope," Steph responded. "It's part of my charm."

"It is," I agree.

"We're really engaged?"

"Yes. I would've waited until tonight, or for a week in Bali when I can get the time off. But seeing how we're currently surrounded by people who care about you, and you did want to make an impression big enough to set the Burg on fire, so proposing here would definitely accomplish that while in a Rangeman-controlled environment."

"Hey, I didn't hear a proposal," Bobby pointed out.

"Me neither," Ram added.

"I'm sitting right here, and I didn't catch one," Efren chimed in, feeling a little more at ease with his place in our group.

He realized he wouldn't be part if our engagement story if he didn't belong here. That they all believe Stephanie should receive the full proposal experience, and were willing to risk pissing me off to secure her one, I can't fault them for. She _is_ entitled to everything I can give her.

The waitresses were back with our food, so I waited until we were served before I turned to my 'almost' fiancée according to my men.

"You don't have to say or do anything else, Ranger," she told me. "I already said yes ... if a bit silently. Though I'm not opposed to hearing you say that Bali trip can be a _pre_ or _post_ wedding one."

"Consider the flight booked. But I do need to say more ... I love you, Babe. You've become essential to my survival. And I refuse to ever live without you again. Stephanie Plum, will you agree to become Stephanie _Manoso_ and marry me?"

"Yes ... tomorrow if you want," she said against my mouth. She drew back a few beats later and fused eyes with me. "That this isn't scaring the shit out of me right now, means I must've been waiting for _quality,_ too."

 _I_ kissed _her_ as the men let out whistles that threatened to rupture eardrums. Food and now champagne disappeared as talk of us moved onto the men taking turns busting each other's balls in an even greater effort to relax and include Efren. Then the inevitable happened in the form of a tray of piled-high dishes a busboy was carrying back to the kitchen. His grip slipped and it hit the floor, glasses and plates shattering.

I knew the accident was about to happen so I braced for the impact. Efren, unluckily not having my seat where I could see everything in the dining room, had a blind spot. Even Steph noticed how his head would constantly turn, continuously trying to see what he couldn't. But the crash occurred on his return motion ... and he wasn't expecting the jarring sound in the moderately-quiet restaurant. I saw how his mouth was on the verge of a smile at Brown's recount of his first day as a Range-Man. Instead of Bobby being a badass saving people and picking off bad guys in his first official hour on my payroll, he was labeled a sap for saving a kitten he heard mewing from behind a Dumpster near the meth lab he was ordered to clean out. I believe he's solely responsible for Tank's cat preoccupation.

The impending smile on Efren never happened … he was gone. He had hit the ground so to speak to avoid what his mind screamed was the result of a detonated explosive. My respect for him grew tenfold in that moment. As he was attempting to protect himself, he had curled an arm around both Stephanie and Binkie, taking them to safety under the table's edge with him while shouting ...' _Incoming!_ ' to warn the rest of us of a potential follow-up attack.

Whether I was able to sleep or not, I get up every morning trying to give men a new reason to wake up every morning themselves. My mission is to prevent people like me from becoming just another statistic that the general public then turns a blind eye to. It can prove deadly to men like Efren if people don't have a loved one serving. When no one has a face or a name to remind them that a number is actually a person ... someone's son, daughter, father, mother, uncle, or aunt ... they don't know what red flags to be on the lookout for in order to potentially save a life.

I'm proud of what I do, but one of the hardest things to witness is after someone is triggered, the crash after the adrenaline rush is followed by embarrassment for what they just 'let happen' ... as if _any_ of us can control what our mind chooses to see as a danger that we must protect ourselves from.

As Steph and Binkie were released and they resurfaced with Efren, I can tell exactly what his brain is torturing him with now.

Stephanie saw it too, and since she's one chair closer to him than I am, she stepped up. "That is one of the nicest things anyone - outside of Ranger and the other guys - has ever done for me," she told Efren. "Thank you. I can't be too annoying if your immediate thought was to save me."

"Guess I can say the same," Binkie told our newest 'recruit'. "Thanks, man."

That knocked Efren off guard, which isn't unexpected. After being called crazy, a time bomb, or a psycho, for his actions and reactions, being here with people who understand them and _him_ , he's now being praised for his instincts and how his first one remains how he can protect others. Why being so well-trained, that step-by-step thinking is no longer required to accomplish a rescue, gets a bad rap is a fucking mystery to me.

As the mess of broken serviceware was being cleaned up, I did a little cleaning up of my own after those who've hurt one of our country's bravest.

I waited for him to look at me as he attempt to read me to see if he still has a job or not for causing a scene. Or even worse, for violating what amounts to a commandment in my organization. ' _No one touches Stephanie except in life or death situations to save her life or prevent her death'_.

Efren got another shock when I gave him a nod of approval. "Good job, Efren," I told him, as our group fell silent while they waited for 'The Boss' to do what I do best ... take the lead. "I'm proud of you."

He relaxed his shoulders and took his first normal breath in the five minutes since the crash. What no one except Stephanie caught was that my eyes also included her in my four words. My personal and professional respect carries a lot of weight among those I employ. If I have a problem with you ... you have a much bigger one. That someone as inherently kind, and as innocent in the ways of war, as Stephanie is, has fully accepted him - startles and silences alike - means almost as much to Efren.


	5. Chapter 5

**All familiar characters are Janet's. The mistakes are mine alone.**

" _What is this nonsense I hear about you being engaged?!_ "

Even though Stephanie had her cell to her ear, Helen's voice was shrill enough to be heard by anyone in a one-mile radius of Steph.

"As expected, Joyce really gets around. I never thought I'd say this," Steph responded, "but for once ... the Burg actually 'reported' _the facts,_ they weren't just spreading more gossip. I'm marrying Ranger as soon as we can arrange it."

That was said with a promising glance shot my way. "Threaten away, Babe," I said to her.

Her eyes caressed my face as her lips smiled. I watched her grin slowly fade away as Mrs. Plum said something else in a lower volume that I couldn't hear.

"You know, Mom," she said with frustration and exasperation, "our conversations would go a lot better if you'd just admit - at least to yourself - that Ranger's who I'm going to stay glued to for the rest of my life ... even if he hadn't put a ring on me today."

Steph paused and then rolled her eyes at the person I'm thankful isn't here in the vehicle with us. "Looks like nothing I do is going to make you happy. First you want me in a serious relationship with a guy who's successful. I'm sure you love me reminding you that Ranger and I have been joined at the hip since we decided to stop being stupid. And there's no one in Jersey more successful than he is. Yet you've bitched about us being together from day one."

Steph continued with no hesitation this time. I didn't take her cell away because I've discovered that as she defends me to her mother, she reminds herself all over again why she loves me. That being said, I have my ears open for a moment I may need to step in and end another unproductive discussion.

"You keep telling me I'm going to be too old to have kids if I don't grow up and settle down soon," Steph said to her mother. "Conveniently, Ranger has a daughter, so check that off the 'I-want-Stephanie-to-do' list. As soon as he and I exchange vows, I'm getting an instant daughter who actually likes me."

"Correction, Steph," I told her. "Julie _loves_ you. Brilliant young woman that she is, she advised me to marry you _last year,_ and has even complained that I'm taking too long _this_ year."

Her left hand moved to my leg and stayed there.

"You hear that, Mom?" She said into her phone. "Ranger says Julie loves me. What an interesting concept ... a daughter who can actually get along, and enjoy spending time, with her mother. It's nice to know that at least _they_ love me ... warts and all. You also think I'm too independent to get myself a husband, and looky here ... I'm sitting here an engaged woman, with no cold feet or doubts in sight for either of us. So run a Sharpie through that concern about me. You really should be thanking Ranger instead of trying to find non-existent faults with him. Believe me, I've been over every inch of him, and I've yet to find a single flaw."

Stephanie isn't a person who winks, but she couldn't resist giving me one at saying something like that to her mother.

"Anything else you wanna say about my recent engagement?" She asked Mrs. Plum. "I didn't think so. If anyone asks, you can always tell them that I'm officially someone else's problem now. If you'll excuse me, Ranger and I have a wedding to discuss." She disconnected the call and cut her eyes to me. "Every time I talk to her, I can't decide if I'm happy that I annoyed her, or feel more pissed that I give her even that much of my time."

"It complicates things when you're related to your harshest critic," I told her. "I'd prefer that you never have to speak with her again, but as long as you don't believe anything she says regarding you or your abilities, having a little fun with her isn't wrong considering how often she's hurt and disappointed you."

"It's funny that she tells _me_ to grow up, yet I'm mature enough to figure out pretty quick that the biggest reason she has a problem with you is she thinks you'll 'brainwash' me into hating her, or maybe that you'll 'force' me to turn just as dismissive as my dad is with me, never realizing that _I'd_ see their behavior for what it really is all by my little self and act accordingly."

"They've always underestimated you. I'm not that stupid."

"No you aren't ... and you've taught me not to be either."

I had one eye on the road in front of me and the other kept straying to the man in the backseat. Efren remained quiet through Steph's phone-fight and the conversation-gold Lester and Bobby would've paid money to have overheard for ball-busting purposes. Efren had left the restaurant with us not saying a word, with his shoulders back to being tense and his head down. Here in the car, he appeared to have zoned out as he stared out his window.

From personal experience, I know something as simple as a car window could help him stay disassociated for hours. Add in the raindrops splattering against it, and he could be 'gone' until his head registers the fact that something has changed, when my vehicle stops and he rejoins our world again.

Steph squeezed my leg so I'd glance her way. When I did, she had both eyebrows raised in question of whether we should interrupt what's going on in his head or leave him alone so as not to reopen a mind wound that would make him feel worse.

"Just address him quietly, Babe. And _do not_ remove your seat belt and touch him to get his attention no matter how much you want to help him."

"I know the drill," she made me proud by saying. "It just goes against everything in me to leave him to suffer alone."

"I understand that, but we have to remember that this isn't about how _we feel_... it's about what _Efren needs_."

"Right now he needs you two to stop talking about him like he isn't here," Efren told us.

I felt Steph's relieved sigh ... or maybe it was my own. I took it as a good sign that he didn't mentally retreat this time.

"You were so quiet, we forgot you were here," Steph teased.

"Funny," he replied.

"I thought so. How're you doing?"

His eyes flicked to me in the rearview mirror.

"Steph knows more than she should about this," I assured him. "Not only because she loves me, but she also cares about those who work with/for me. She hasn't been where we were, but she understands as much as it's possible to."

He took a minute to weigh the pros and cons of opening up, but went with his gut ... that talking about what he feels will help get him through it.

"I'm embarrassed," he finally admitted.

"You have no reason to be," I told him. "We've all been there and have done worse in similar places."

"I can't fucking get used to this. In combat, there's so much to be on high-alert about ... you get numb to it pretty quick. _Here_ , there's no enemies shooting RPGs at me, I'm not dodging rifle fire for hours on end, I'm not watching more friends get blown up, and I'm diving for cover over a fucking tray dropping!"

"You're forgetting that you had the mindset to protect Binkie and I, not just yourself, Efren," Steph quietly stated. "That's hero-stuff right there. If it _had_ been a bullet shattering a window or something more explosive, you would've saved two people's lives. You may believe how you reacted is embarrassing because it was a false alarm, but I think you're an incredible guy based on what you could have prevented if it wasn't."

"It's not just that," he said, completely brushing off her praise. "Since being back, I'm jumping at just a fucking door being closed too hard ... or only a light knock on it on really bad days. And that's just one of my problems. I either don't feel a fucking thing or feel everything to an unbearable degree. There's no normal day or easy mood."

"That's because your mind has become so conditioned to associate broken glass, or any unexpected sound, movement, even unfamiliar places, with those of attack-potential or possible threat to your life. It can no longer differentiate between 'normal' or something you need to protect yourself from," I reminded him. "Your mind is keeping you alive any way it can. That is _nothing_ to be embarrassed about. How your brain has been rewired isn't wrong, it's just different than what the rest of the population experiences. It doesn't go away, but it _can_ become manageable. You just have to commit to the fight of making it less debilitating for you."

"What's the point of surviving hell if your life's just going to feel worse than what you left after you come home? At least there I felt normal. I had a job to do or someone would die. It was simple and clear-cut. There was no head-space or spare time for this thinking/feeling shit."

"Which is why starting Rangeman was so important to me," I shared with him. "You, and men like you, are doing a similar job, with the same high-risk stakes, while I provide the right tools and qualified people to help you all work through some of that shit."

"I'm still fucking up when it comes to anything outside work. I'm good when I'm on an apprehension. It all comes back ... the adrenaline, that now-or-never moment when you kick open an FTA's door, the ' _Fuck yeah_!' elation that hits you when you capture the fucker or stop another one from hurting an innocent. But like what just happened, when I'm doing something like trying to eat fucking lunch ... it turns into a nightmare. It doesn't take much to make me wish I was dead, but 'lucky me' ... I seem to be hard to kill, so I gotta be still around for a reason. I just wish I had a fucking clue what that reason is. It sucks to see another dude get dead on the news and get jealous that at least whatever shit he had to deal with is all over for him, yet I'm stuck here still struggling ... when everyone knows it should've been _Danny_ who was spared. _He'd_ be happy to be alive, and be making the most of it."

"Clearly your reason for being in that parking lot was to meet up with us," Steph told him. "And to come with us tomorrow and watch us get married just as a reminder that good things _can_ happen to good people." She turned to me. "I'm serious here. I want us to show up tomorrow morning bright and early at the courthouse and get hitched. Do you think you can make that happen? ' _As soon as we can arrange it_ ' normally equals a solid year in Burg-time. If I hide my wedding ring, we could be celebrating our one-year wedding anniversary before anyone even realizes we're married."

"I've done more in shorter amounts of time, and your ring is _not_ to be hidden. _Ever_."

"I was hoping you'd say that. And good ... I know I can always count on you to make things happen. Can I count on you to join us, Efren? I know it doesn't feel like things will get better, but they can. You don't know our whole weird, scary, and confusing, history, but trust me on this ... Ranger and I are proof that if you stick it out, things _can_ change and go in the direction you want them to."

"Easy for _you_ to say," Efren told her. "You're already at the finish line. I'm still on the sidelines, trying to psyche myself up for the race."

"I get that, despite how much I hate running and with that metaphor you just reminded Ranger that it's been a while since he challenged me outside the gym, don't forget ... you've got us to encourage you and keep you on the right track while you get to where we are with someone who deserves you. You've already discovered that I _will_ butt in if I feel like one of my people aren't being appreciated appropriately."

He went quiet for a beat, and I saw the moment he decided to shift attention away from himself.

"If life is so good for you now, why do you put up with that shit your mom was shoveling at you?" Efren asked her.

"I could ask you the same about putting up with stuff you shouldn't," she countered, the three of us all remembering how his ex was screeching at him while he offered no defense or resistance.

Via the mirror, I saw him shrug. "I thought I didn't deserve anything better."

"You were wrong," Steph and I said in unison.

"I was. What's _your_ excuse, Steph?"

I opened my mouth to shut his, but she gave me a warning glance. She has a goal. Whether Efren or I am her target is yet to be seen.

"My excuse was the same as yours. _Was_ being the operative word. I also realized, because of Ranger, that I deserve only the best. My mother is refusing to agree ... and apparently I've been much too nice in changing her mind. The patience I had in reserve is just about used up, so I'm going to put a stop to it once I feel like talking to her again."

"I could help you with that," he told her. "I've been told I can't soften a blow, verbal or physical. My family's even starting to say I'm getting too combative and defensive to talk to at times. Telling it like you see it is only popular if you're just kicking back and watching a cop show."

"Thanks for volunteering to put yourself in my mother's cross-hairs, but I promised the honor of shutting her down to Ranger if I decide I need reinforcements."

"I'll be around if you change your mind or the Boss wants company."

"For the second time today, I'll say it ... Ranger aside, that is one of the nicest things anyone has done for me."

"Offering to chew out your mother?"

"Yup. I could kiss you for that alone, but I like you too much to have Ranger pull over and shoot you."

He shook his head at her, but I could tell he was attempting a smile inside. "You're a strange woman."

"I know," she admitted. "The key was to first accept that about myself ... and then surround myself with people who appreciate a person with a few quirks ... and our Rangeman group is it. Why be normal when you can be one of us?"

A few short years ago, she would've killed to be quote/unquote 'normal', but with due diligence, patience, and plenty of love, I was able to help her see that she didn't have to change, she just had to change how she saw herself and who she chose to listen to.

"Good question," Efren answered.

"It's one with a clear answer," I said to him. "The only way to feel better is to stick with those who understand you. Stephanie can attest to this ... you can't force yourself to change despite who tells you to. Efren, you have to accept that war - and what you've seen and had to do during it - has forever altered how you think and react to things, but this doesn't have to feel like a life sentence. You can still have a life, one that can make you happy even on the worst days, if you're open to accepting help."

I knew the conversation would end there even if we hadn't reached the Rangeman building. Bobby and Tank had come in right behind us and walked over to my vehicle, likely to make sure Efren had company immediately after we returned. Efren opened his door and got out, but he turned back to us before closing it.

"I'd be honored to be at your wedding," he told us.

Steph turned fully around in her seat to smile at him. "Come to five around seven. I'm going to beg Ella to work her magic and make a parking lot-sized pan of pre-wedding New Jersey crumb buns."

He did smile then. "I'll be there."

We watched Bobby playfully shove him and Tank pretend to reprimand Brown for goofing off. Stephanie is right, we are a family. Not the normal kind by any stretch of the imagination, but we're exactly what each of us need.

Word circulated on our morning objective and we ended up staying on five longer than planned. I wanted to be on hand in case Efren needed to talk, and Steph decided she wanted to stay close to me. So we filled the hours between lunch and dinner making arrangements. She hadn't been kidding about us getting married in mere hours just to fuck with her mother. I called in a favor and got a marriage license ready without the inconvenient wait-time. Once the paperwork was handled, we moved onto choosing wedding bands.

When the off-duty men put together a friendly poker game and offered Efren a seat at the table, I knew he was in good hands for the night. A lot of the time, the guys will grab a chair or couch to sleep in instead of driving home or going to their own apartments. There will be plenty of eyes on the lookout for red flags. If there's a problem, I will be called immediately. Once Steph and I got my office locked up and went up to seven, she remained close to me in the kitchen, the shower, and then even more so in our big bed minus the clothes.

"I see you didn't go with traditional white," I said surprisingly early the next morning, running my eyes all over her.

Her dress is deceptively simple. It fit her so well ... from the almost halter-style neckline down to four inches above her knees, I was wondering if she could breathe alright. The gathered bit of material at her waist immediately drew my eyes to what lay directly above and below it.

"Nope. I didn't think _white_ ," she answered. "This is a day to celebrate our life together, so what's a better color choice than something that reminds me of the champagne we'll be toasting with?"

"You look incredible."

"Good ... because that's exactly how I feel. And _you're_ the reason for it."

I risked wrinkling the white dress shirt Ella had _enthusiastically_ starched last night after we told her where we'd be this morning, and tugged towards my body my fianceé of only another two hours or so.

" _You're_ the reason I couldn't sleep last night," I admitted.

"Why? I thought I did a thorough job of wearing you out."

The images of soft skin, bed-tangled curls, full breasts, and shapely legs wrapped around my hips, flashed one right after the other in my mind.

"You succeeded all too well," I admitted. "I was too anxious to get to this morning to sleep."

She kissed me as a reward for my honesty. "Didn't you learn when you were little, that if you go to sleep, morning comes quicker than it does if you stay up and count the seconds until it gets there?"

"That only works when you're a kid and talking Christmas gifts, not an adult thankful for gifts that come in human-form."

I was expecting another kiss for trying to sweet talk her, but she grabbed my hand and started tugging me towards the front door.

"I hope you have our rings on you," she said, not pausing in her quick stride ... which is impressive given the golden-glittered stilettos she's wearing, "because we need to get down to five and eat, drink, and be almost married, so I can hurry up and marry you."

I couldn't argue with that. And in the front pocket of my charcoal gray dress pants, I do have the rings I paid to have delivered after business hours. I just grabbed her bag on my way past it, since she has other things on her mind. And then we went down to the breakfast party awaiting us on the fifth floor.

As we stepped off the elevator. Efren was the first man we saw. Steph's fingers tightened around my hand, showing she's as touched as I am. Efren not only still planned to join us, for this particular morning he got dressed as impeccably as if he'd been summoned for an inspection. But instead of a meticulously pressed and creased government-issued uniform, he put his attention to detail and an iron to a slate-blue suit in honor of our occasion.

He held up a champagne flute half-filled with the modified mimosas I approved for our morning send-off. "Here's a toast to the impending Mr. and Mrs. Manoso ... two people we've all been fucking lucky to know."


	6. Chapter 6

**For a couple of reasons, I'm dedicating this chapter to my 'Research Department'. Everyone and anything familiar belongs to Janet. Efren and any mistakes are solely mine.**

 **Chapter 6**

 **Ranger's POV**

After a long day of back-to-back patrols, on top of the usual Rangeman business to attend to, to compensate for a few men being down by either a health or family issue, all I wanted was to come home and curl up around my wife. As more than just a pleasant surprise for me, Steph had forgone her typical nightshirt or pjs, and I discovered nothing except soft and softly-scented skin awaiting my return.

My exhaustion was quickly replaced with something else entirely as I stripped my uniform off my body and slid under the covers behind her. I had one arm curled around her waist and was in the process of pulling her closer, when my cell buzzed from where I'd left it on the table on my side of our bed.

While I froze in irritation, Steph closed the slight distance between us, which had me groaning in more than frustration as she made full physical contact with almost every inch of my body.

"Tell whoever it is that you're busy," my wife stated, still sounding sleepy but fully aware of everything that is going on behind her. "I warned Tank that you're all mine when you finally got home. He promised me that he'd field whatever he could after I reminded him that we're technically on our honeymoon despite not being able to take a trip right now."

"Then this is likely a non-work-related emergency, because Tank wouldn't intentionally piss you off," I said to her before answering the call.

"I fucked up," Efren said in my ear.

My body went immediately still, which caused Steph to jackknife up in bed. "How bad?" I asked him.

"No cops were called, but I _was_ just kicked out of the bar I was in on 3rd Street here in Bordentown. My ride bailed on me before that happened. The promise 'I'm here for you' only applies when I'm not being an asshole, I guess."

"You _are not_ an asshole and I'm on my way. Put your back to the wall and try not to hit whoever's in front of you."

"How'd you know that's what I'm doing?"

"I've been there. Do you need me to stay on the line?"

"I'm okay," he replied.

"You will be. I'll be there in ten."

He paused and then just said ... "Thanks."

But we both know there's more than just gratitude being conveyed in that one syllable.

"It's not a problem. Despite what you currently believe, 'I'm here for you' is a lifelong vow when _I_ say it. I'm leaving now," I told him, ending the call after I'd already picked up the clothes I'd just taken off.

"What happened?" Steph asked me.

She used the top sheet to cover the body I'd had plans on satisfying multiple times before I ultimately crashed, so she could slide over to my side as I took even less time getting into my clothes than I had shedding them.

"Efren hit a rough patch. I'm going to go get him."

"Oh God. He's not at the police station is he?"

"No. He called me before they needed to be involved."

"Okay. Give me a sec so I can get dressed."

"You don't ..."

"Yeah ... _I do_ ," she interrupted. "I wasn't lying when I told him that he's part of our family. Unfortunately for him, he's going to be treated like - and worried about - like only our Rangefamily can smother a person."

Considering what Efren just shared with me about being left to fend for himself, I didn't try to convince Stephanie that she can go back to sleep because I can handle this myself. The two of us showing up, providing a united and supportive front, will likely help him see how much he's cared about more than just him and I having a man-to-man, heart-to-heart talk.

While my mind is on Efren, my body can clearly multitask. It hardened in appreciation when Steph risked a naked run from our bed to the bathroom to get into her clothes. She re-emerged about a minute later wearing the same thing I watched her walk out the door with this morning ... a pair of distractingly tight black jeans, and just to keep my wife on my mind during a day I wouldn't be able to spend with her, one of the cropped Rangeman t-shirts the company Ella ordered from got wrong, which Steph has since turned into a playful joke between the two of us. She shoved her feet into the Cat boots she collected from two different places in the bedroom and we were ready to roll.

"How bad is he?" Steph asked in the car.

"I could be wrong, but I'd guess he had a drink or two, that unfortunately lessened his control, but he managed to keep it enough so he was only kicked out of a bar, not removed from it in handcuffs."

"That _should_ make me feel better, but it doesn't. He should've just stayed here and talked to me or the guys if you weren't available, not try to find compassion or a good time where there wasn't going to be any."

"All he had to do is contact me and I would've been there for him. I've tried to make sure all the men know that _their_ needs come before Rangeman's. If the guys aren't in a good place and can't function on all fronts properly ... I have no company. That's why their well-being is my main concern after yours and Julie's."

Her arm crossed the console and she squeezed my knee. "I know you always put everyone first, not just the guys, and Efren knows it too."

I believed that before tonight, but I regained my confidence about my influence when I parked and Steph and I found Efren holding his shit together even while being actively provoked. I know _I_ would've had a hard time not shooting the assholes.

For those typically asleep at this hour, one o'clock in the morning would be pictured as pitch-black and eerily silent. But outside of a popular bar not long before closing time ... the music is still blaring, the neon lights advertising brands of beer and whiskey has your eyes wanting to close in self-defense, and the sounds of patrons coming, going, and getting into trouble, pollutes the neighborhood with unnecessary noise.

"Not so brave now that you're out here all alone, are you, Pretty Boy?" One of three assholes was saying to Efren.

" _You touch him_ ," Steph yelled as we moved faster towards the semi-circle of idiocy surrounding our Rangeguy, " _and you'll be peeing electricity from the amount I shoot into you!_ "

"I appreciate the threat, Steph," Efren told her, "but I can take care of myself."

Fuckers one and three made the mistake of ogling my woman. " _Daaamn!_ If you were waitin' on _her_ , no fucking wonder you wanted no other dicks around ... and started acting like one yourself."

Efren took a menacing step forward, ready to knock some respect into the asshole who unwisely opened his mouth, but I stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.

" _My_ wife, my honor," I said to Efren even as I punctuated my words with a right hook into the son of a bitch's jaw.

"What the fuck?" One of the idiots began.

"If you want to experience a pain worse than what _he's_ dealing with," I warned, "shut the fuck up, keep your eyes off _my_ wife, and leave _now._ It's possible that five minutes from now your legs will be broken, preventing the option."

My tone and demeanor backed up my fist and they quickly dispersed. It was just like Stephanie to take the heat off Efren and put it on herself in order to give him more time to manage his reaction.

"Just for the record, Guys," she told us, " _I_ could've defended _myself_ \- and my body - all on my own, though thank you both for wanting to."

"A fist to the face hurts less than what you would've done to one or all of them, Babe. It was really a charitable act to not let you loose on them."

She grinned, knowing that I'm only partially kidding. She can kick serious ass and everyone knows it.

"So I'm told to hang tight and behave, but you two can threaten and hit people?" Efren asked, but he was more amused than pissed off now.

" _Yes_ ," Steph said to him. "No one tries to provoke my guys without me stepping in to stop it."

"Which usually causes _me_ to get involved if someone disrespects Steph. I defend and protect my wife at all times. That's a written-in-stone fact. And being the Boss means _no one_ is ever allowed to threaten or harass my people. Part of _your_ job is to stay out of trouble so you're free to help others get out of it."

His head hung a millimeter lower. "I wasn't looking for trouble, just a place busy enough to match what's going on in my head. The guy you hit, he'd been showing off in front of the audience he'd attracted by being an idiot once he overheard that I'd been in Afghanistan. And he purposely bumped me. I told him to keep his fucking hands off me when he made a big show of apologizing, which came with a number of overacted pleas to 'not shoot him'. He wasn't interested in going quietly away and continued to be a douche. I didn't want to get acquainted with this city's PD and need you to bail me out again, so I stuck to just shoving the asshole instead of doing what I wanted to. I thought I could mend some fences with my cousin by asking if he wanted to hang out, but he took off once he realized that I was about to 'go crazy' again."

"You're not crazy, Efren," I told him. "In fact, you could say that you're a textbook case of men and women who've survived hell and are now trying to battle your way back from it."

Efren paused, navigating emotions that are impossible to explain when the only ones who understand what he's going through are those who live it themselves.

"I've shared as much as I can about why unwanted attention or someone coming at me from behind freaks me out," he told but it's like no one gives a shit. 'Scuse the language, Steph."

"Your language doesn't bother me ... that you're hurting does. Keep talking."

"They only care that I didn't come back the same way - and the same exact guy - that left them ... as if _they'd_ be normal after seeing and doing what I have. That's depressing in of itself, but what's worse than that is that I almost died over there, and Danny _did_ die, just so assholes like those can sit on their asses here at home and waste their lives complicating the lives of others. Most days it feels like the only thanks we get is a fist aimed at our faces or a punch to the gut when we realize all over again that life goes on - and gets better - for everyone except us. I hate feeling this way, and the rage and depression just gets worse when I get provoked or challenged while I'm minding my own fucking business, which just cost me the little headway I'd made in getting my family back in my life. Then to not have things end there ... for that asshole to leave me alone only long enough to get two buddies for backup, makes me wonder what's the point of being here and always taking the high road, when those standards don't apply to anyone else."

"You're here for a very important reason," Steph told him. "To help people everyday get through something just as tough for them. And you've held yourself to a higher standard because _you are_ such an amazing person. Don't let a couple of idiots make you question your integrity, or why it's so important for you to have a higher dose of it."

"I told you to call me immediately whenever you're struggling. It appears _you_ didn't listen to _me_ ," I said to him. "A stiff drink and a bar fight isn't going to get you to sleep tonight. Neither is hanging around people not interested in understanding what you've been through and how your mind is trying to heal its wounds from it now, family or not."

"What the hell is supposed to help then? I've tried everything at this point. I'm trained to take out people intending to harm me, but being home means I have to either suck it up and not react at all to those trying to provoke me or get thrown in the slammer for defending myself against them. It feels like I've lost all my rights just so some asshole can flaunt the ones he has - because of people like us - over me."

"You enlisted to protect what you love. Unfortunately, we don't get to pick and choose who we defend. It's either everyone or no one. And you believe you've tried everything to feel better? Because one of the first things Stephanie said when she learned it was you on the line, is that you didn't call her to talk about what was bothering you."

"I would've welcomed the company," she added.

"You also didn't contact me or anyone on my team to work this out before it could escalate into something beyond your control. Vince didn't report that he saw you head to the gym to physically fight invisible demons. I have safeguards in place so no one on my watch gets hurt, but my job would be easier if you were a more willing participant."

"I know, Sir."

"You are NOT going to become just another statistic, Efren," I told him. "You've earned the right to live. More so than a hell of a lot of others. Don't fuck up the second chance you were given."

"Yes, Sir."

"Don't just 'Yes, sir' me. I want you to really hear what I'm saying to you. Almost everyone working for Rangeman has had to face coming home without everyone we left the states with. It's now _our_ job to live twice as hard. One, so we don't waste the fact that we _were_ spared. And the second, to live for those who weren't."

"Efren, you're not alone anymore," Steph said in a surprisingly calm voice.

Having to deal with her family finding out that we're already married, not just engaged, has given her a remarkable sense of self and admirable restraint when dealing with others.

"Our experiences aren't all the same," she continued, "but in one way or another we've all had to decide to choose life over death. You may be looking at Ranger as the invincible, nothing-gets-to-him Boss/Commander, but not that long ago he and I were both convinced we didn't deserve each other or to be loved as much as we are. He was living solely to keep his men going, and I was running on autopilot, damn lucky that no one killed me in the process ... though I gave them plenty of opportunities just about every day. You hit a slight snag tonight, but you don't _have_ to dig your heels or tires in and stay stuck in a hell you mistakenly think you belong in. What you see at Rangeman is not a group of perfect or superhuman people, we're just a bunch of damaged souls who banded together, vowing that no matter how bad it gets, _no one_ gives up or lets someone else down."

"I'm trying not to," he admitted.

"I know you are. I can feel how much you'd like to be a hundred-percent again, but this isn't a fight you can half-ass," I warned him. "You decide a bar, a brawl, or avoiding people who can help, as the way to deal - or _not_ deal - with how you're feeling ... and you're going to be dead. I hate to say it, but studies and too-personal stories support my statement. It's going to be hard, but as Steph said, you have to choose life over the alternative every single day. Some days you'll have to do it every hour ... or every minute, but the crucial thing is that you _do_ continue to do it. As Steph unfortunately reminded me, you can push your luck and flip-off fate all you want, but one day it _will_ catch up to you."

"And you're too special a person for us to live without," Steph told him. "I don't want to lose you ... but more importantly I don't want _you_ to lose you. You're worth fighting for, and Ranger and I are ready to fight freakin' dirty in order to keep you with us and make sure you remain a member of our Rangefamily. Just please let us."

"It probably doesn't seem like it, but I've been trying to let you in."

"It'll work if you just keep at it. Ranger and I aren't going anywhere. Come on, let's go home," Steph said, carefully lacing her arm through his. She trusts him completely, but she also respects his desire to keep some distance between himself and everyone else. "I'll put on a pot of coffee and we can talk about everything or nothing important. We'll just hang out until The Boss tells us in the morning that we need to get to work. We've got a pretty comfy couch if you're interested. You can borrow it for the night ... or for however long you need it."

"What my wife is proving to you all over again," I told Efren, "is that you are _not_ going to be battling your thoughts alone, no matter how you feel on nights like this one."


	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you,** _ **frostdance**_ **, for making such a strong case for Efren. Looks like it worked. ;) All familiar characters and events belong to Janet. The mistakes are mine.**

 **Chapter 7**

 **Ranger's POV**

"I need you in my office," I said after depressing a button that got Efren on the line.

"Yes, Sir. I'll be right there."

"Maybe you should've told him that it's not anything bad, or that he's not in trouble," Steph said to me from where she was settled in the power seat behind my desk.

"Why?"

She shook her head even though she knows that while I _am_ supportive, I don't coddle.

"Forget I said anything," she said, already distracted again.

I bent my body forward and dropped a kiss on the top of her head just as Efren knocked on my door.

"Come in," I called.

He did, but he only made it into my office about three feet before stopping when he spotted Stephanie.

"What's that?" He asked.

"Meet your new partner," she teased, holding up the little Rottweiler puppy she's been enamored with since Slick introduced us to her. "Her name's Recon and she's going to be trained not only to help you, but she's actually the start of a new way Rangeman is going to protect and support others."

"You're giving me a dog? I don't understand."

"Recon's not just 'a dog', she's _your_ dog. And she's being trained to be a PTSD support/service animal," I explained. "Slick had offered to train canines if I was ever interested in adding support animals to the list of services my company provides. Seeing what you've been going through had me agreeing that the program would benefit even those close to home."

"But I've been talking with your people, and I've stayed out of bars and trouble ..."

"You've been doing amazing, Efren," Steph said, standing up with her canine companion. "Though Ella caught you smoking again when we all know you've been trying to quit."

"I was feeling twitchy and just needed the edge taken off," he explained, with an embarrassed tinge coloring his sun-browned skin.

" _Exactly!_ " Steph told him. "You need something to help you relax, and Recon's a better choice than smoking, drinking, fighting, or withdrawing. Ranger giving her to you isn't about keeping you out of trouble, or you having trouble dealing with idiots. This is about you getting to live the life you want to have. I know from experience that you can wish until your brain's tired to feel 'normal', but you also have to put some effort into acquiring your new sense of normalcy."

"Recon will be able to detect when you're flashbacking and possibly head off a trigger, and she'll be trained to safely get you out of the grips of a nightmare," I informed him. "She'll also put herself between you and anyone approaching you until you feel the situation is under your control. I'd bet just having her at your side will boost your serotonin and dopamine levels whenever you hit a low point."

"I can ..."

"Don't do that, Efren," Steph said in a gentle yet surprisingly commanding voice. "You're a strong guy, mentally and physically, everyone who's met, worked with, or spent time with, you will agree, but sometimes that's not enough. Being the observant guy you are, you must've noticed that every time I'm upset, get totally stressed out, or am pissed beyond belief, Ranger will put his hand on the back of my neck and leave it there until I'm back to being Mature-Stephanie again."

"I did notice that The Boss immediately calms you down," Efren admitted, walking right into her trap.

"You could say that Ranger's my support- _person_ ," she told him. "If he's nearby, I can stay calm, cool, and in control. If I'm ready to go off on someone, not caring if I or they get hurt, his presence - or just his voice in my ear - can get through to me when reason goes AWOL."

"It's the same for me with you, Babe."

"I know ... and that's what I'm hoping to show Efren. No matter how strong or put together we all seem, we still need a little help to get us through either our thoughts, bad dreams, or our current situation. Recon can be your go-to dog who'll always be there to reinforce what Ranger and I have been telling you."

He didn't appear to believe healing could come in this particular form. "I know a canine-partner seems foreign to you," I said to him, "but you've seen how useful guide dogs and medical detection dogs can be. This is the same concept. She'll alert you to incoming issues or help you extricate yourself from them. With her assistance, you'll be able to do your job even better than you have been, plus keep your life running as smoothly as it's possible to."

That didn't inspire a look of relief or gratitude, but he's been quickly adapting to how I do things.

"You think I'm still so fucked-up that I need a disability dog?" He asked.

"First off, you aren't - and have _never_ been - 'fucked-up'," I assured him. "And second, I think you're worth pulling out every resource I have to offer in order to help give you the peace of mind you've been fighting so hard for. I've put in my own time ..."

Steph rolled her eyes. "You _still_ do 'time' if that's what we're calling it now. Don't pretend that you're just a typical 9-5 guy, Ranger, because we all know those kind of jobs don't involve 'the wind' and disappearances that can last for weeks."

"I'm not pretending to be anything other than what I am. I'm just pointing out that I remain grateful to and supportive of the men and women like Efren who are being deployed and coming home needing further assistance than they typically receive."

"I appreciate that, Sir, but ..."

"No, buts," Steph told him. "You've got yourself a Recon-Rottie. Rather than going to a shelter or to a home that doesn't deserve her, she's getting a life with you. And instead of you feeling like you're living yours alone - which you aren't because you have Ranger and I night or day - you now have a furry ball of energy and unconditional love who'll help keep you safe and also entertained. As you can see ... she already likes me, and every creature automatically loves Ranger, so you won't be safe from _us_ , but you'll get a willing and cuddly buffer between you and the world, or you and your own mind at times."

She held out the puppy, and as if Steph had coached her beforehand, Recon yawned adorably and tried to lick Efren's nose ... though she was still too far away from him to accomplish her goal. This is the moment of truth. He'll either believe in four-pawed therapy, agreeing to try anything just so he can hang in there with the rest of us, or he'll take a step backwards ... hindering his healing.

Our faith in him was not misplaced. It took three seconds longer than Steph predicted, but Efren did take Recon in his hands, which almost dwarfed his new partner's body. Now that she had her target in range, Recon held no affection back. She attacked his features with renewed vigor.

Steph came back to me and smiled at the duo as my arms closed tight around her. "If I didn't know better," she said to Efren, "I'd ask if you used bacon for soap this morning, seeing how much she likes you ... or at least _your face_."

He shot her a look, but didn't deny the response he's getting. He had to shift his hold on Recon just so his cheek and jaw can have a chance to dry. Against his all-black Rangeman uniform, all you can see of her are the dots of brown fur above the inside of each of her dark eyes, and the matching light brown tips on all four of her paws, with only a slight bit of brown around her muzzle and mirroring markings on her chest. We can also see plenty of pink from her tongue spilling out of the grin she's giving all three of us. She has a good life ahead of her ... and she clearly knows it.

"Thank you," Efren said, after a minute.

"There's nothing that requires one," I told him.

"You haven't given up on me despite how much trouble I am."

"You've been no trouble. And with you agreeing to take Recon, you'll be helping Slick with what has been his passion project. For future reference, everyone here - especially Stephanie - will warn you that I don't give up ... _ever_."

"Ranger's not kidding," Steph told him, holding up her left hand. "He got me all but dragging him to the altar when I swore I'd never agree to anything legally-binding again."

He went quiet again and just scratched Recon's head. The only sound in my office was that of her happy panting.

"She's your partner on and off the job," I informed Efren, "but during the day, you'll also be partnering up with Slick so he can have more training time with her. Plus he'll be able to see firsthand exactly what areas you'll need her the most for."

"This is making me feel like I'm something that needs to be fixed," he admitted.

Steph left me to walk over to him and touch the hand holding Recon, which flipped the switch on the dog's body from relaxed to all-over wiggle. "We all feel that way, Efren, because everyone here - hell every person you see - is trying to cope with what they feel is wrong with them. You haven't seen Ranger trying to carefully pin me to the bed so he won't hurt me, not caring about the damage _I_ could do to _him_ when I'm caught in a nightmare that I can't wake up from. And only Ranger knows how scared, angry, and embarrassed, I am when I realize it happened _again_."

She let that visual sink in and I've never been more proud of her than I am at this moment. Bravery comes in many forms ... racing into a burning building to save someone, trying to keep your buddy alive and then holding him while he dies when you couldn't, or walking into a death trap not caring if you live as long as your daughter will get to. But Stephanie, a woman who would rather endure torture than appear vulnerable, letting Efren see such a private side of her, is bravery personified in my mind.

"We all have challenges we face and have to get ourselves through almost every minute of every day," I told them both. "Ours are more severe than some, but that just makes us stronger than most because we _have_ to be in order to live to see another day. Your struggles are _not_ a sign of weakness."

"I've learned that they're actually a _good thing_ ," Steph added. "Sure ... I have nightmares when I sleep and sometimes I can't sleep at all to even reach the nightmare portion of it, but you know what?"

"What?" He had to ask.

"I'd rather feel _too much_ than nothing at all, or feel responsible for not doing enough instead of not caring about anything. If you didn't have actual feelings, you _would_ have come back the same man who left. As much as I'd like you to not be hurting right now, the fact that you have changed because of what you've seen and who you've lost, shows what a good and good-hearted guy you really are."

She took a deep breath and locked eyes with him before continuing.

"It's not the same thing," she said, "but I've killed people who deserved to die ... and I still feel bad about doing it. But instead of calling myself stupid because I get sick and shaky whenever I let myself think about it, I've realized that being indifferent or numb to what I've had to do would actually be worse. I know people who care about nothing except themselves who are pretty happy with their lives ... yet I'd still choose to be _me_ , however messed up I am sometimes, over having to be them for even a minute."

He was quiet for another moment, looking down at Recon who had been gazing adoring up at him. "I get what you're saying, Steph."

" _Really?_ I wasn't sure if my rambling would make any sense to you. Most people jump off well before my train of thought gets up a good head of steam. Ranger's called the 'Stephanie-whisperer' because he's the only person who can figure out what I'm thinking or saying."

"Likely because we're more alike than we are different, Babe."

"Yeah, right ... that's me the 'light beer' version of Batman. And in case you missed Ranger's subtle reminder," she said to Efren, "you're more like the rest of us here at Rangeman, than you are different. And you're stuck with us and with me always trying to make you feel better."

He paused, but Recon must already be working her magic because he appeared ready to address something that's been on his mind.

"Can I ask you something, Steph?" He asked her.

"Sure."

His eyes flicked to me and I knew Steph had gone solo on a mission that's now about to be made public.

"What did you do?" I asked.

"Nothing, Sir. I swear," Efren stated.

"At ease, Soldier ... I was asking Stephanie, though I'm sure I already know. You called to have 'a word' with Efren's cousin, didn't you?"

"Would I really go behind everyone's back and do something like that?"

" _Yes_ ," Efren and I answered.

She blew a curl off her forehead and then sighed. "Alright, so maybe I would ... and I did."

"What's left of him?" I asked out of curiosity.

Although she was still standing within arm's-reach of him, Steph cut her eyes to Efren. "I don't know. I sorta found him guilty without letting him plead his case first. Anything change on the homefront?"

"Jerry stopped being such a jackass. I don't know exactly what you said to him, but thanks. He's at least trying to figure out how to handle me ..."

"Looks like he needs _a visit_ from me, not just a _phone call_ ," she said, irritation creeping into her tone.

If the cousin knew what that glint in her eyes means, he'd enlist just to get himself safely out of her reach.

"You don't need to be 'handled'," Steph told him. "You need to be respected, listened to, and loved through this, because _you will_ get through this."

"From your lips to God's ears," he said.

"I doubt God would listen to me, but I hope you do so I can spare you thirty years of pain like I went through trying to be who I wasn't - _couldn't be_ \- just to get my mom off my back or to make people I really don't care about accept me. If you and Jerry get along, and you genuinely like hanging out with him, then of course your relationship is worth fighting for and you guys should work at getting back to being buddies. But if you find yourself mentally kicking your own ass every time you see certain people, you need to reevaluate your priorities and put yourself first for once."

"Meaning turn my back on my family?"

"No ... unless they turn their backs on you or bully you into becoming someone _they're_ happy with. You've been to hell and back, Efren, you shouldn't be punished by supposed loved ones on top of everything you've gone through. You were at mine and Ranger's wedding, so you know who was there."

"Yeah and I also noticed who _wasn't_ at the courthouse or here celebrating with us afterwards."

"Yep. My Rangefamily was present and accounted for, plus Ranger's family. And Grandma Mazur, Val, and my best friend Mary Lou, were saying it's about damn time Ranger and I tied the knot, but my parents weren't involved. I'd like for things to be different between me and them, but I've admitted and accepted that our relationship won't change because I have and they refuse to. I had to distance myself to save myself ... or I would've driven myself insane trying to force them into liking me or approving of the life Ranger and I have. I actually like the person I am now and Ranger _loves_ me. That's more than enough for me."

"We like you, too, Steph," Efren shared.

"You and the guys are a major reason why I _am_ so content with myself and my life. If I have friends like all of you who I care about, respect, and admire ... I can't be the crazy, delusional, irrational, ungrateful bitch I've been accused many times of being. If I _were_ that difficult, you guys would run for cover every time you see me coming, not ask if I want to split a pizza with you or keep you company whenever you go for a coffee run."

"The people who've referred to you as any one of those things are full of shit, Babe. I'm with you almost 24/7 and those adjectives don't come anywhere near accurately describing who you are," I assured her.

"Thanks for saying so, and that's my point. You can't let people who don't know you, define you."

"Well said. You _do_ have family here," I told Efren, "who like you as you are _right now_ , not just who you were or who - in their minds - you're taking too long to turn back into."

Recon attempting to get down to do something more physically taxing than listening to humans dissect their psychological wounds, let me know that our time is limited. Steph also sensed that her time frame to make another hole in Efren's walls is shrinking, so she ditched all pretenses that this was just a casual gathering and she went for the kill shot.

"Oh ... and one last thing, you and Recon aren't getting out of this office until you promise me that you won't make yourself worse just to make someone else feel better. You may not feel proud of the ways your body and your mind are helping you survive, but please don't be ashamed of them."


End file.
